This month is the fourth anniversary of my twin flame’s death. It’s been quite a wild ride. The grief was expected, but some parts of the healing journey have been a surprise.
I got to touch the darkness, to taste despair, to understand the depths of grief…and I also got to understand what true love really means. That’s quite a gift.
Every now and then, I am reminded of that grief, and I still fall apart. Every now and then, I am also reminded that the majority of the population has never experienced anything like this. I have come to accept that this is my unique destiny, as strange and horrifying as it is. I can now celebrate the grief journey as an important part of who I’ve become.
“Me and My True Love Will Never Meet Again”
The other night, I was at a bagpipe demonstration, and the song Loch Lomond was played. It’s a song about losing a lover and their soul journey back home — on a different path. I fell apart, of course.
Tears swelled up without me expecting to get emotional that night. And I knew I was the only person in the room crying. The other people were there to enjoy music, and they were! I don’t hold anything against them. They’re not in the same world that I occupy, I thought. They’ve never had to experience this level of grief — most people just don’t know what true love is.
Here are the lyrics of Loch Lomond:
O ye’ll tak’ the high road, and I’ll tak’ the low road,
And I’ll be in Scotland a’fore ye,
But me and my true love will never meet again,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.
After my twin flame died, for months, I would fall apart when any song about a great love would play. If it were a song about loss and separation, it would kill me. But nowadays, I only fall apart sometimes. If it takes me back to that moment when I realized we were separated until the end of this lifetime, I can’t hold back the tears. I lost it when I heard Loch Lomond sung so sweetly because this song explains how it feels to lose a great lover to the other side.
This time, the grief was a thing of beauty because it embodied acceptance.
The lyrics elucidate my current position — an acceptance of the finality of it. I will simply never walk again with him in the flesh — in the way we existed in this incarnation together. And as messed up as it is, it is simply meant to be. I wouldn’t try to change it now for anything.
It’s My Destiny, and I Accept That
When he died, I was so angry that the opportunity to say goodbye had been taken from me. It was such a miracle to be able to find him and to have this remembrance of his soul — when he died suddenly, I felt cheated. I thought that I deserved to complete our story. I wanted the universe to make things right.
But as time has passed, I have found peace. I still have moments of deep sadness and regret. I am still grieving, of course. But I accept that this is my destiny. I was always going to be this way, and it’s for my highest good.
I knew it from the moment I found out he was gone, too. The knowledge and wisdom of the whole situation descended upon me from the beginning: we’d planned all of this before incarnating, and this was always supposed to happen. I just didn’t have acceptance of it for a long time.
Now, I see that all of it was exactly as it was meant to be, and there are no accidents in the universe. It’s a pivotal and catalytic part of my storyline in this lifetime. I have come to be grateful for my journey.
I Don’t Desire a Resurrection
Some would try to find their twin flames again in this lifetime. They might hope for some kind of resurrection or search for this person in another body. I had the same desperate desire myself in the first year or two of my grief journey.
Many of my clients, like me, sought a way for the universe to allow them to be with their twin flames again. There are many ways to use “spiritual logic” in your favor to allow anything to be true — including finding ways to cheat the cycle of life and death. When you’re grieving, one of the stages is denial — and you’d do anything to get them back. You just want them to not be dead.
One such way to convince yourself that their death isn’t real is to believe that they can be a “walk-in” soul to another living person. I personally believe that this is a dangerous line of thought, although I, too, once believed it could be achieved.
I believe walk-in souls are real, but it doesn’t work the way we want it to — your dead twin flame won’t take over someone else’s body just to be with you again. You also can’t manifest it happening. If you were meant to live your lives together, then the universe wouldn’t have allowed them to die in the first place.
Everyone has their time, and there’s no point trying to bypass that undeniable truth. If your twin flame has died, the best thing you can do is to accept it and try to understand why the universe allowed this to happen. It has monumental implications for your soul journey.
They’re Not Really Gone
They are not gone — not truly dead. Death is just a transition. And all of this happened to you for a reason.
Your best bet in healing and processing your grief is to find the reason you’re still here and use this painful experience to create something meaningful for other people. The collective needs strong people like us, who have been to hell and back. We’re the epitome of strength. We’re the light that shines for others.
Hi, I’m Emily! I’m an author, psychic, and spiritual coach.
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