Death isn’t the enemy, fear is.
If you ask me, the biggest problem for most people is that they are scared of death. They avoid thinking about it, they make social rules for talking about it, and if they come across a person who isn’t afraid of it, they call them out. They are angry if anyone or anything calls their attention to the uncomfortable truth of their mortality. Everyone knows that death is the cruelest trick that fate plays on us, right?
Wrong.
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They’re so busy running away from their own mortality that they don’t allow themselves to fully live. And they don’t entertain the possibility that death might not be something to fear.
I’ve been baffled by this all my life. It might be the number one reason why I feel so different from others. My ideas about life and death just don’t seem to be part of the popular opinion.
When I need to address death with another person — say, someone I am offering condolences to — I get really nervous like I am going to slip up and say something like “well, death isn’t so bad” and they’ll freak out. I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I just never understood why death is a bad, sad, negative, or scary thing. And since everyone seems to want to avoid the conversation, it has never been explained to me. So, I have learned to live with my ignorance on the topic.
However, questions remain.
“To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know?”
Socrates
Why Don’t People Think About Death?
I learned at an early age that I am not much more than a criminal if I decide to speak about death in a rational, philosophical, or even spiritual manner. As a child, I thought frequently about death and what happens at the end of our lives. I thought often about why we are here, how we got here, and whether death is really the end. But I couldn’t speak about it with anyone.
I wanted to talk about it badly with people. However, all the people around me seemed to be thinking of other things, turning away from every opportunity to contemplate their existence. I didn’t understand why they were afraid to consider questions of life and death. It seems like the most glaringly obvious topic that could ever be of interest to human beings. It’s the one thing that unites us all.
I learned later, in my teens, that speaking of death makes you seem crazy. If you start contemplating your existence out loud with the wrong crowd, before long, you might be sent to a mental hospital for being suicidal. Only suicidal people speak of death, I learned. Only crazy people think about fundamental philosophical questions.
The topic is off-limits.
Philosophical Questions to Ask Yourself
Why did cultures begin reacting to death with sadness instead of celebrations? Why are people so surprised when they finally understand that they aren’t immortal? Why are we afraid of things that are inevitable and happen to literally all things?
These are some questions you could be asking yourself. The answers you decide on for yourself can comfort you.
Death is something that happens, no matter how we look at it, and seems inevitable. You might be able to live without thinking about it most of the time, and even live as if it won’t happen to you. Maybe it won’t — anything is possible! But for your mental health and for managing your reactions and emotions, you can reconcile with death. Find a way to settle it that works for you, whether you’re spiritual or atheist.
First of all, before you were born, there was no you. So, why aren’t you scared of not existing before birth? No one seems worried about that.
If death is the end and it’s just part of nature, then why are we sad about it? If you know it’s going to come for you, then why is that scary?
If death is just the end of this life and just one cycle of your existence, then why are you worried about it? It’s not the end. Your soul is eternal.
There’s no need to be scared. Stop avoiding the topic. When you face it, finally, you will feel more grounded and calm. You’ll be able to face your existence.
Face Your Existence Now
I firmly believe that the most courageous and most liberating thing you can ever do is to fully accept your mortality. Face your existence. Embrace your temporary state.
In this state of acceptance, you will find freedom.
Once you stop letting death haunt you through life, you will feel more connected to the present moment. You’ll value what is going on right now, as it is fleeting. You will love the temporary nature of the moment. You’ll develop gratitude for all the abundance of your life. Without the fear following you around, all that will be left is the love for being alive.
Stop being scared of death.
So, say to yourself right now, “I am alive and so excited to be here.”
Life isn’t about death and it isn’t about avoiding death. Go on and live!
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
Mark Twain
