How to End the Cycle of Abuse - Emily Wellness and Oneness

Trust me, you’re better off alone than with someone who diminishes and hurts you. I’ve found that when I go looking for love out of a place of hurt or loneliness, it leads to undesirable outcomes. I learned to love myself and seek love out of a desire to spread that inner love to others. I learned how to end the cycle of abuse.

I’ve been in my share of abusive situations and I know how hard it is to end the cycle. Those of us who understand the importance of love in the universe often get involved with others who can’t allow themselves to truly love. They are so afraid that they’d rather keep hurting people than let go and just let love in. The cycle is hard to end because when your heart is open, you keep wanting to see the love in the situation instead of the hurt. So you keep going back to it, hoping it’ll change on its own.

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I was in an abusive marriage for years. I have been with other abusive partners who took pleasure in my pain. They have some things in common — they are cold and unfeeling. There must be a good soul in there somewhere, but their behavior is reptilian.

They are able to show me such kindness and the next minute tear me to shreds. They kept me second-guessing myself, doubting who I really am, and living in fear. I found myself constantly begging for love and attention. My needs were minimized and I wasn’t myself anymore. I felt very small and sad.

I’m choosing to never get myself into that kind of cycle again.

I can recognize it early now. When I meet a man, I can tell when he doesn’t see me as a soul worthy of love and respect, but a pawn in his game of life. I know when he is looking to cause hurt and not looking within. And, sadly, it appears as though the majority of people have something going on in their heads that makes it hard for them to communicate in a healthy way.

I’m not perfect, but I try to approach things from the soul level. I am trying to prioritize my own happiness now because I know that as a soul, I am of no use to anyone unless my own cup is full.

There’s always a way to strike a balance in any relationship. But some people aren’t seeking solutions to problems — they just want to protect their egos and/or win a victory. You can tell pretty fast whether someone wants to find peace or war.

In a healthy relationship, when a problem arises, the two people are committed to finding a solution together — whatever it takes. That is love. They already have expressed the desire to fully support each other, so when their journey hits a bump, they embrace each other to soften the impact mutually. when you know what real love is, it becomes clear when the love is absent in a relationship and from this experience of love, you know how to end the cycle of abuse.

In a toxic and abusive relationship, one or both sides haven’t opted into a commitment of support. If something unexpected happens, they are not ready. One or both of the parties somehow believe that relationships will never involve problems, so they have no plan in place. They are only looking out for themselves, so the situation quickly turns toward one side’s hurt and needs instead of the two together as a whole. When they hit a bump in the road, one or both of the two will throw the other one under the wheels and blame them for the turbulence.

I will not perpetuate the cycle of abuse in my life. I am committed to my own peace of mind. I want love.

Loving myself is the first and most important step in finding real love with another person. I know this for sure. When I try to have a relationship without working on my own sense of worthiness, toxic things happen. Sometimes I cause them and sometimes it’s the person I’ve chosen who causes them. Whoever it originates in, I know I would have never gotten myself into that situation in the first place if I had practiced self-love.

Self-love is when you know what type of treatment you deserve and you accept nothing less. You have standards.

I stopped accepting abuse. I see now that I always had this power.

At the end of the day, it is you that it comes down to. You have to start making new choices. You’re not a victim — see yourself as a survivor. But you can’t allow yourself to be at the receiving end of toxicity anymore.

This is how to end the cycle of abuse. Make choices you’ve never made before — surprise yourself. Break the karmic cycle that you’re in. It’s your prison. But you created it yourself and you can break free whenever you choose. The choice is yours.

Choose yourself. I’m choosing me. Let’s make a better world by focusing on our own individual healing together.