Although society tells us otherwise, you never have to buy into the idea that you aren’t allowed to be happy whenever you want just because others aren’t.
In 2020 I heard and read a lot of criticisms about this made-up thing called toxic positivity. This is something we are warned to avoid. Apparently, being too positive might be harmful. Apparently, it’s very hurtful to express positive sentiments to people who are feeling down.
My instincts immediately sound alarms and question this. Why has it become acceptable in our society to promote sadness and misery? Why do people think they can scorn others for their positive mindset? It’s possible and should be acceptable to enjoy life without being a slave to the whims of its ups and downs, and even to occasionally express this positive outlook without backlash.
For real.
I am here to defend those, like me, who refuse to adopt a negative outlook on life. No matter what this journey does to me, I remain grounded and positive. I naturally want others to feel the same way, so I will express this outlook sometimes, and I don’t think this approach should ever be labeled “toxic positivity.” Let me elaborate.
“Toxic Positivity” makes no sense: you’re either toxic or positive, not both.
If you’re toxic, then you intend harm on others or you are so deep in your own misery that you unintentionally cause harm. Harm can come in many forms, ranging from bad energy to verbal insults. Even verbal insults come with bad energy, so this is the minimum criteria for toxicity. If you’re giving off negativity and harmful vibes, then those around you might absorb that and be brought down by it. It’s difficult to protect yourself against vibes that can ruin your flow.
If you’re positive, then you are lifting up the people around you either intentionally or just by existing near them. You are the opposite of toxic. Light is flowing from you into the world.
Toxicity, by definition, is not positive. Positivity, by definition, is not toxic. The term “toxic positivity” is just a sneaky way of calling something toxic by trying to make positivity seem like a bad thing, which it isn’t. It can never be.
Why do we sometimes think that there can be “too much” positivity? Because our capitalistic and materialistic culture has trained us to look at things negatively and identify with misery more than positivity. Positivity doesn’t sell.
Our culture is messed up because we are trained to celebrate misery.
We’ve been conditioned to distrust positivity. We are brainwashed into thinking that misery is a good thing, and a state of sadness is normal. Everywhere you look, you see and hear messages telling you that it’s okay to indulge in sadness and despair — and not to worry, just take xyz medicine and you’ll be fine! Do these other quick fixes, and you’ll be able to live! Nevermind that we could actually look at the root cause and discover that there’s something deeper going on here. Solving the root problem doesn’t sell.
We are drawn to misery because as a collective, we have promoted it as being the only acceptable way to exist. Negative things feel comfortable, and we gain empathy from strangers on the internet, therapists, and friends if we continue to express ourselves in sadness and self-pity. It brings us together, though it also spreads and multiplies the misery. In the end, there are not many people left in the collective who are still hanging onto hope, positivity, and happiness.
And then one of those happy, positive people says something about remaining positive in the face of adversity, and the collective eats them alive. They can’t take the glimmer of hope and flash of love emanating from this person, so they label their energy “toxic positivity.”
Their darkness can’t take your light.
There are people who are so attached to their own misery and pain that they can’t take the light coming from others. You might express a positive outlook, and they snap back at you that you have no right to be positive. Look at the state of the world! Look at this miserable life we are all living! How dare you be positive.
How dare you.
They are so shrouded in their own darkness that they can’t take the light you’re shining on them. They have to find a way out by themselves; you can open doors for them but you can’t force them to go through. They might write up whole blog posts about how terrible you are for offering your light to the world, and try to extinguish it, but just know that you’ve done nothing wrong. Positivity, love, and light can never be wrong.
Don’t give up.
You don’t need to stop expressing positive energy because someone says that’s inappropriate or wrong. However, we need empathy to use the right expression if we truly want to help people who are trapped in darkness because we know that they will resist healing. They have allowed themselves to believe that the world is a terrible place and life is awful. They may have gotten to this position through exposure to the mass of negative energy that descends on them in this world, and they may know no different. But they have potential, as do we all.
All we can do is continue to try to shed light on the world and to resist the darkness.
