The Paradox of Self-Love and Relationships Through Heartbreak

Sometimes we need a relationship with another person to find self-love. We spend so much energy searching for someone to love and to love us in return, but many of us reach a point in our lives when we discover that the love we were seeking all along resides within the self. It’s not in another human or the relationship between ourselves and someone else. It’s just in us. This is the paradox of internal and external love – the journey of self-love and relationships.

All relationships are a mirror. All relationships help us explore the self. We are all searching for love — the one thing that can make this whole existence have any meaning. The paradox is that we need to have a relationship with another person to find the love that was always within. That’s because other people’s love (or lack of it) mirrors the love situation within ourselves.

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The Universe Seeks Love

We are parts of the universe, and the universe is trying to understand love. So, as a part of that whole, you are also trying to understand it. But we find it through interactions with other people — something the greater universe can’t do.

It sees us as itself — and it is trying to find self-love, too. So, when we love each other, we help the universe love itself.

Reality is a multi-tiered system at which every level is seeking love.

We find love through interactions with others and through looking within simultaneously. Each of us is also a universe that has parts, and our parts need to find love as well — so we have to focus on self-love along the way. It’s not always clear how to do this. There is no instruction manual explaining love. We’re figuring it out as we go, along with the greater universe itself.

External Love and Heartbreak

I have a daughter and parents who I love very much and who love me. Thank goodness for that! I know there is love in the universe. They love me and direct my attention to the fact that I am lovable.

Sometimes, the universe affords me a chance to love someone outside my family circle. Sometimes in life, a person crosses my path for a while and forms a bond with me, and I find myself in love. As I write this, I haven’t yet experienced a relationship like this that hasn’t ended painfully.

I have learned a lot from this experience. The deeper I love the other person, the more it hurts when they are gone. And then, drowning in pain and sorrow, I am forced to find a way back to the surface and the light. I have no choice — I don’t desire my own demise. So, I have to get creative. No one can save me from this sadness and heartbreak. I am forced to find a novel solution — something I haven’t tried before. I am forced to find self-love.

Transcending the Pain

I can’t go running after another human being to fill the void in my heart. This is not a novel solution. Seeking love outside ourselves is not an intelligent endeavor — it’s a no-brainer. Society teaches us to do this. We innately know to seek love in relationships with others. But what we don’t naturally do is seek love within.

The genius thing to do, spiritually, is to transcend the heart pain through a nurturing and loving relationship with the self.

As I said earlier, the universe has split itself into all of these pieces — all of the souls who surround you, including yourself, are here to play out a great story. The goal of the story is to find love. Love is everything to the universe. It can be aware of itself, but it doesn’t understand love until it creates awareness through its pieces — and that’s where we come into play as human souls. We have to rise, embrace love, and fight for it. And when it hurts, we have to understand it. We have to turn within and love ourselves. When we do this, the universe learns to love itself, too. Self-love and relationships are necessary aspects of the human experience.

The Universe Is Learning Through You

This experience of life is a learning journey for the universe. Don’t pretend like it’s okay to wallow or seek ends that don’t involve love. It’s not okay.

The universe is such a beautiful place, wouldn’t it be a shame if it didn’t love itself? The same goes for you.

Love is everything and it’s a serious matter. The universe is counting on you — yes, you — to not take your heartbreak and create more hurt in the world. Your painful experiences are of great value. Take them and turn your awareness within, then try to work out all the knots in your own heart. Lift the barriers you have built against love. Then, love yourself.

Figuring out how to love yourself is the most amazing spiritual feat you can ever achieve. It’s incredibly challenging. Nobody can do it for you — only you can save yourself. Forgive yourself along the way for your regressions and lapses. It’s so hard to do, and the path is not linear.

If you can love yourself, then you will find total equilibrium and peace. It’s worth it.