Living from a place of love instead of fear is the goal of all of this, no? But it’s so damn hard. Unconditional love, even for the best of us, is nearly impossible. Our egos constantly get in the way and allow us to have doubts and anxieties. The ego loves separation — that’s how it exists.
But when we realize that we are not separate at all and that the universe is working as one, we can ease up a bit. We see the oneness in all things. People who annoy us become extensions of us — compassion prevails. Still, this is very hard to do while you’re human. It’s probably easier to wait till you’re dead. It’ll all become clear at that point. (I’m kidding…sort of.)
What I really mean is this: when you’re a pure spirit, you have no barriers to total love. Being in human form is what creates all the difficulties. As a spirit or an untethered soul, you understand it and you feel it all the time. Many near-death experiences recount this feeling of total love on the other side.
In human form, we create boundaries and separation that lead to fear. We erect walls. We look out for ourselves and we shift our reactions based on the fear that someone won’t love us. We are afraid of being alone, rejected, or hurt, and it drives us to seek love in weird ways. We long for connections with others but at the same time, it’s hard to unconditionally love others when we carry trauma with us everywhere — and we are triggered by what people do around us. It’s hard to step outside these triggers to truly and deeply love.
Unconditional love means no expectations. When was the last time you entered into a relationship with someone where you had no expectations of them at all?
In addition, society looks down on you if you have no expectations. You’ll be seen as deviant. I once told someone I was talking to on a dating app that I remain open to all possibilities and I have no expectations, and he said, “That’s not good, you have to have some expectations.” But expectations are what leads to misery. Unconditional love means you release it.
If you truly love someone, you wish them the best no matter what they’re doing or how they’re treating you. I talk to a lot of people about their relationship problems as a twin flame coach and this is the number one struggle. People want an outcome but that outcome rarely happens the way they want. They think that they have some sort of control over another person and if they do certain things, it’s a recipe to get their love in return. But that’s simply not how it works.
You can only control yourself and once you are completely happy with that, you are free. Being present in the moment and grateful for all you have now is transformative. It’s everything. Self-love spontaneously begins to happen. Then, you can have unconditional love for others, too. But it takes a lot of inner work and effort. It won’t happen unless you try. You have to become aware of your trauma and triggers and stop having reactions to situations mindlessly — become the master of your own responses.
When you die, you leave this body and realize that this was just a role you were playing all this time. This life was like a dream. This person you think you identify with is a character in a story. Thus, it becomes very easy to unconditionally love everyone because you aren’t so attached to outcomes in the plot anymore — you are simply observing.
You can also reach this state in meditation while you’re still in human form. You don’t have to wait till you’re dead. As you meditate, you may understand that everyone is essentially a soul and they’re coming from the same source as you — and that source is pure love. It’s the humanity in us all that muddies the waters. We came here as souls for this challenge.
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