Many of us often wonder why we’re here. There seems to be no obvious answer or reason. And as life gives us unwanted surprises to deal with, we’re hoping for some way to escape the hardships of this existence. We don’t want to die, we just wonder why life should be so heavy.
We want to figure out a way to avoid suffering. And the good news is that there is a way! It’s a method that’s been known to humans for as long as they’ve existed called reaching enlightenment, also known as ego death. It’s when you stop attaching so much to the outcomes and expectations of things and let it all be.
Life is like the Hotel California: you can check out but you can never leave.
What Is Ego Death?
I really don’t love the term. Ego “death” makes it sound so dramatic. Plus, you need your ego. In order to be a person, we must all have egos. Otherwise, we would not be individuals. We would be boundless spirits without localization and identity. (That surely would be cool to experience, though. We all have experienced it but don’t recall.)
Ego death, to me, is the shedding of attachments instead of the shedding of your ego. Your ego is attached to desires, outcomes, beliefs, judgments, and your perceived identity. But it doesn’t need to be. You can be the driver in your journey of life and refuse to be set on any of these things. Instead, you can observe them rising and falling away with the stream of thoughts in your mind — like the waves in an ocean.
Checking Out
When you decide to let things go and stop investing energy in all of your attachments, then you’ve checked out. You may not be dead, but you feel like you’ve let something die. It’s liberating. The death of the attachments frees you to truly enjoy life.
When you no longer expect, want, pine after, or get stressed by things, life is pretty great.
For instance, some friends of mine and I have recently become very tired of dating. But why are we playing the game at all? Why are we afraid to be single? We have to stop and wonder this. We can choose to simply ‘check out’ and refuse to care anymore about sex and relationships. It’s within our realm of control to exercise this choice.
I call it “checking out” because it’s like I’ve decided to be on a mental vacation from the stuff I feel like I’m supposed to be worried about. All of my attachments cause me a lot of anxiety and annoyance. Why do I put so much energy into them? To just relax is the goal.
I check out of wanting things, and I am released into the flow of life.
Enlightenment
To be enlightened can mean so many things. But in the tradition of eastern philosophies, it means letting go of attachments completely. (of course, this is hugely simplified.) When we transcend our suffering by surrendering wants and expectations, we become closer to the divine. Our souls can speak louder through us. And we find bliss.
Check out of your hotel room of life— it will be awesome, I promise. Decide not to be part of the game anymore. Free yourself from the woes of being a player and instead take a seat in the audience. Then you’ll get to enjoy the ironies and rollercoaster ride of the plot.
Hi, I’m Emily. In addition to writing, I also teach meditation, read tarot, create podcasts, and I’m a spiritual coach. If this writing helps you, you’re always welcome to buy me a coffee.
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The divine in me recognizes the divine in you.
