Despite protests, you still don’t have to give in to the idea that negativity is fine.
A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about toxic positivity and why it’s not a real thing. Since then, I’ve had plenty of responses from people who are hanging onto the idea that being negative and sad is perfectly acceptable, and other people aren’t allowed to be positive in the face of their negativity because it’s hurtful. If you’re one of these people, I hate to burst your bubble but, in fact, your attachment to your fears and misery is what is bringing you down in life, and you have a chance every moment of your life to take the lead in the direction of your own thoughts. Yes, it is possible, even in the worst of times, to look up and say “this is life, and this is beautiful.” I will show you how to do it.
I believe that people who use the term ‘toxic positivity’ to attack those who are positive even in the most trying of predicaments are simply unable to save themselves, but this doesn’t need to be the case. They are allowing themselves to sink into negativity and they’ll do anything to keep from admitting that they can pull themselves from a negative to a positive mindset at any time. They are very content with remaining a victim of the seemingly random events of life.
These words will cut like a knife and feel hurtful to the most stubborn of us who don’t see it this way at all. Some of us see the world as a series of events that they have no control over, including events within the mind. I am writing this to help people, not to hurt them — to put the notion in your head that we are all here together in similar journeys, yet some people throughout history have found liberation in their own minds. You can do it, too.
I stand in the conviction that you never have to be negative and positivity can’t be toxic. People who are positive even when it’s a really sad moment for you aren’t toxic. They aren’t offensive just by refusing to be pulled into your negative energy. Your reaction to their attitude is a reflection of your own attachments rather than a reflection of any aspect of them.
Are you so afraid to let go of your misery that you will defend it, rabidly if need be? But why won’t you let yourself be free?
Thoughts will exist whether or not you do anything about them — they stream constantly from the universe (their source) into your individual consciousness and then out again, never stopping— but you can choose to remain unattached to them. Are you going to let them do whatever they want, commanding your attention and telling you how to react to situations?
You can’t control what happens to you sometimes. But you can control your reaction to it. You don’t need to give in to misery.
You can be in control of your internal world even if it’s not possible to control the external world. This idea is not my invention. Buddhists, for one example, have known of these concepts for centuries:
One of the first insights of vipassanā practice is the recognition that the mind has a mind of its own. When we finally begin to attend to the dynamics of our thinking processes, we realize that thoughts often seem to arise of their own accord, with little or no apparent prompting or direction. Where do these thoughts come from after all? It might seem that our thoughts are thoroughly beyond our control, that we have no choice about the kinds of things that drift across our minds. Are we simply at the mercy of a mind out of control? For most of us, most of the time, the answer is yes. But the teachings of the Buddha tell us it need not be this way.
Are you ready to learn how to break free and be the commander of your own mental journey?
Don’t Be a Prisoner of Your Own Thoughts
Your thoughts are holding you prisoner. Traumatic events are handing you an opportunity to break free. How? Well, when life seems to be closing a door on you, as the age-old saying goes, a window opens somewhere else. Look for that window and cherish the idea that you don’t have to react to trauma with misery.
I once heard a beautiful Native American woman say something like: “Our ancestors were victims of genocide. But if I can’t heal from all that has happened, and I let my life fall apart, I will be completing the genocide.” She was referring to the ability to break a cycle — to stop being a victim, and to rise above the past.
You always have a choice to break your cycle. Your thoughts appear in your head and it’s your choice whether to hang onto them or let them rise and then fall. Patterns can change.
It is HARD — You Need to Meditate
I would guess that the reason many people can’t maintain a meditation practice is that it’s so hard to detach from thoughts and acknowledge that they don’t define us. It’s hard to pay attention to the stream of thoughts and then actually re-direct their patterns.
Yes, it’s hard. But it’s the single most worthy thing of attaining.
Do you want to be a positive person that doesn’t give in to negative thoughts? You’ll need to meditate. You’ll need to get very familiar with your own mind. You’ll need to really examine where your thoughts even come from. Are they even yours?
If they just appear out of nowhere, then why do you call them yours? They belong to the universe, but they don’t need to stick around in your head. They are real, but they don’t need to be attached to you.
You can acknowledge your thoughts and let them pass by.
I sometimes feel anger rising, and I still have the beginnings of self-pity for my losses. I’m working on it. What I say when a negative thought arises is hello, I see you there. Be on your way and have a nice day!
Be the Director of Your Mind
Your mind is like an orchestra. You can stand up on that podium and take control of the music, or you can sit in the audience and just watch it all happen helplessly. Most people are sitting in the audience of their minds. They allow themselves to be victims of the misery and triumphs, the ups and downs, the swinging to and fro with the current of the moods, the whims of the scrambled mind. They are like a rag-doll thrown around by the strongest thoughts that happen to take control at any time.
You can choose to look toward the light instead of the dark, directing your destiny. You can consciously change your whole life just by changing your mindset. Mental strength is key.
Trust Me, This is Only the Beginning
Once you change your mindset, anything is possible. You’ll notice your dreams begin to manifest because once you’re tapped into the universe and the source of your thoughts, you begin to align yourself with your true purpose. Positive and exciting people begin to materialize around you that you’d never attracted before. Things just fall into place. But with negativity, there are obstacles.
Negativity is the product of fear, and fear will not easily allow you to detach from thoughts that take you down a dark path. Fear will cloud your mind so that you make bad decisions and react to events without self-control. But with a positive mindset that isn’t shaken by calamity, your life transforms into a beautiful adventure.
“Every problem is a gift–without problems we would not grow.”
— Tony Robbins
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