Our existence is wrought with incompatibilities. We seek love in other human beings and yet we are also encouraged to love ourselves. We seek to know the future because we fear it, and yet if we knew it, it wouldn’t make us any happier. We see others as separate from ourselves — entities that we should erect personal boundaries against for protection — and yet, we’re also aware that we’re all one, and kindness and love win.
We feel justified in our extreme emotions in the moment. This is a paradox. If you can feel incredibly sad, but you can remember that a few days ago you were incredibly happy, then how do you explain these polarities? Why do you have that mood swing?
How can we be both happy and sad beings?
How can there be both shadow and light within us?
How can many of our human relationships involve so much fear and love at the exact same time?
These questions haunt me. I started to read about the Kybalion and ancient Hermetic wisdom, and it’s the only time a philosophical system has ever made complete sense to me. Whereas modern philosophy — which I happen to have a graduate degree in — is focused on logic and intellect, this ancient philosophy says that some things just can’t be comprehended by our human, logical minds. Everything doesn’t have to be logical. Paradoxes can exist. Truth is fluid.
Mental and Emotional Freedom
This idea can help all of us with so many of the emotional problems we struggle with. How can someone else hold such power over our abilities to be happy or sad, and yet it’s also within our own control?
The answer is that we shouldn’t ever marry ourselves to one polarity or the other. Don’t allow another person to make you feel like you’ve lost control, whether it’s in giving you moments of happiness or sadness. Your emotions shouldn’t take you on a rollercoaster ride.
We should never allow ourselves to be so out of control that we are happy or sad — we should always try to stay somewhere in the middle. Being extreme with our emotions allows them to take control of us instead of us over them.
When we rise and fall at the whims of the ocean’s waves, we are not in control. We have to learn to rise above and surf them.
Setting Boundaries
The same is true of our approach to spiritual life. We are constantly considering ideas about “setting boundaries” and yet we are also aware that we’re all one. There is oneness in our consciousness and universe.
People tell me all the time about their rituals for cleansing themselves of other people’s energy. They have fear of other people somehow creating a hold over them. But if you’re spiritual, you see that we’re all part of a larger whole. You know that love is important and we shouldn’t fear each other. We are in this together. Cleansing yourself or setting boundaries is an act that creates more separation.
The paradox lies in the fact that we perceive ourselves as separate when we’re human. But being separate is necessary on this plane so we can learn about ourselves.
The answer must be somewhere in the paradox. We have to live in the middle somehow. We have to accept that we’re all one and accept our individuality at the same time. We have to understand that oneness is our nature and part of that is facing fears about other individuals. Sometimes setting boundaries is loving. Sometimes accepting anything that others do to you comes out of fear.
Stay Paradoxical
Paradoxes pervade our existence. Whatever we choose is going to help the collective grow. For me, staying paradoxical is where the party’s at.
I’ve noticed that when I truly embrace the opposites at once, something magical happens within me. I feel at peace. Total peace.
When I take it a step further and meditate with this in mind, I find that really wild things happen. Sometimes I get into a mindspace where opposites are totally reconciled. I feel thick and thin at the same time. I feel hot and cold, embodied and free, big and small — all at the same time. It’s a beautiful thing. I think it helps me be happier as I let go of the need to understand why things are one way or the other. Logic can’t touch this place.
In reality, “everything is everything” and paradoxes create calm within me. We don’t have to choose to be one thing or another. Everything exists at once.
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