A Spiritual Perspective on the Cycle of Abuse

A transcendental look at the subtle nature of relationships.

The cycle of abuse is well known, and in psychology, it offers a predictable surface-level description of abusive relationships. When I say “surface-level,” I refer to the layer of our existence that dwells purely in the physical world where our egos often attach themselves. We are spiritual beings. From what I have learned in soul-searching and meditation, the trappings of abuse go deeper.

When I first read about the cycle of abuse, it gave me some comfort to know that it’s a pattern showing up in lives other than mine, and it offered a helpful simplified solution for me to escape the cycle. But it never truly satisfied me to have my love and relationship reduced to a simple formula when the experience of it never seemed so simple.

It hurt me when friends would say how obvious it was that I was in a cycle of abuse, looking at it from a black-and-white viewpoint. I am an intelligent creature, so why was I so stupid?

As I’ve been meditating and discovering the ‘me’ under the surface-level reality that many of us barely ever transcend, I see the truth. I had an awakening because my abusive husband finally disappeared from my life. Because of this inner journey, I finally understand what was happening in my relationship on a spiritual level.

I will share with you what I’m now certain was the true reason I had such a tough time waking away from my abusive spouse for years.

We Are Subtle Spirits Who Know Each Other on Other Levels of Existence

My husband now hasn’t communicated with me for six months. Recently, in meditation, I chose to contact him. I was contacting his spirit to try to reconcile the brokenness between us. I got in touch with him and asked to see what his reasons were for being so abusive, and ultimately, self-destructive. I was shown some very vivid and disturbing images of his childhood. I was also told that we would reunite after this life, and it will all make sense then.

After that moment, I knew I could go forth in my internal energy and connect with him any time I wanted. I’d met him in dreams, and I could meet him in conscious meditation.

Our abuse cycle consisted of him being kind for a month at a time, then slowly wielding control over all of my actions and decisions, acting threateningly, and then smiling, revealing his enjoyment, when I was depressed about it. And it would repeat over and over. He exhibited beautiful human qualities but somehow easily forgot them at times when he could be most hurtful.

His subtle self spoke to me, so this ego-attached person I lived with for five years is not the ‘true’ him. It is not the real and permanent self. I see his soul. I feel it. We will meet again beyond this life, and we have met before.

Our Love Transcends This Life, but Trauma Can Impact It a Lot

The people we find ourselves loving in this life are not always perfect. Relationships form with people who we are drawn to, and sometimes we don’t know why. After months of meditation, I know now that spirits form bonds at higher levels than we can easily sense in day-to-day life.

This version of him, a character he is playing in this lifetime, has so much trauma and hurt inside that the prospect of healing, even though our union of love, was insurmountable. His karma is heavy. I can’t heal him, and he will have an all but impossible task in healing himself.

But his true self? It is pure.

Our Subtle Selves Conflict With Our Surface Egos: Love Versus Self-Preservation

Abusive romantic relationships are hard because we are in a deep struggle, caught between our souls and our surface-level existence. Our physical manifestations — these characters we play — are concerned with sustaining life and happiness.

We care whether we are getting hurt and want to physically survive. The fear of violence at emotional or physical levels looms over us as we decide whether to let go of the relationship for good. It’s one of the hardest things a human being can do. Why? Because we love them.

Our love transcends this life. It thrives where our pure souls exist in another realm.

This is why it’s so incredibly hard to leave our abusive spouses. We can feel that they are essentially good people, and there’s a potential for pure love.

Your Abusive Partner Has an Eternal Self That You’ll Be Connected With Forever

In the other realm, where you and your partner can exist in pure form, you are free to love unconditionally. The bonds need not be broken. But here on Earth, we must do what we can to survive and thrive. Being hurt and having our self-confidence diminished over and over is blocking our chances of reaching our higher selves in this life, so removing this abusive cycle is important. I truly believe that the people we love in this life will meet us again in their spirit form someday, and at that time, everything will make sense.

Stay strong. Persevere. You may need to walk away, but you don’t have to throw away your love to be free.