Have you noticed how many people are searching (or shall I say, fishing) for a date, a special someone, or a life partner, and yet they don’t understand why it never seems to work out for them? The world doesn’t even seem to value self-analysis or self-awareness. There is no incentive for spiritual maturity in dating, so people overlook it. We are taught to value consumerism, even about each other. We are taught to view each other as commodities. Dating apps let us “go shopping” for a match, but no one has invented an app that lets you sift through all your past trauma and wounds to try to change the basis of who you are.
Why is it so hard to find spiritual maturity in dating? There are so many unhealed people in the world. Even spiritual people aren’t always ready for love. It’s hard to be self-aware enough to face your trauma so that you don’t hurt others.
Why doesn’t society value self-awareness?
Of course, we all have trauma in our lives. That’s what it means to be human — to carry baggage and memories of the past. But healed people can rise above these things. Isn’t it wild how many people are unhealed but also not even trying?
Dating is the worst.
I met the love of my life on a dating app not too long ago, and although we had our flaws and the journey was full of twists and turns, we were really in love. Then, suddenly, he died. But he taught me who and what I truly am. he made me realize what I am unwilling to accept, and how to change myself to live a better life.
Because of him, I saw what it means to reach the level of unconditional love and healing from past trauma alongside someone else who is doing the same. That’s why I won’t settle for anything less in my life. I have recently seen so many posts on social media about the horrors of relationships and dating, and I just felt the need to tell the wider world that the reason for all the problems you’re experiencing is deeper than just blaming other people. For one thing, you don’t need to settle for anyone less than amazing. But it’s going to take some inner work to get you to a place where you’re releasing the past and embracing your best self.
The people you’re dating who ghost you are unhealed. They don’t have spiritual maturity in dating. The same goes for the ones who are untruthful, who play mind games with you, and who talk down to you. And sorry, but you’re probably unhealed too. I mean, we all are to some degree. You can’t control what course someone else’s self-development takes but you can control yourself. So, that’s what you need to focus on.
Focus on Yourself
How do you react to certain situations? When someone is a little controlling or a little judgmental of you, do you accept it? How much are you willing to take? Do you accept the flaws of others to the point that it is actually detrimental?
I used to always forgive my partners. “People can change,” I’d argue. And I still believe wholeheartedly that people can and do change. However, it’s not my business to wait around for that change.
What are you doing about it? Decide how it will unfold for yourself.
Look within. Instead of getting upset every time someone does something hurtful, think about whether you’re inviting that behavior pattern. It’s not about them or how you’re showing them you feel. It’s about how you treat yourself. What should you do when someone ghosts you or acts stupid? Walk away. You deserve better.
The real trick is to know that you’re going to walk away. Don’t wait until it happens. Decide right now how you’ll treat yourself. What kind of behavior will you surround your life with? Healed behavior. Mature adults who treat each other with mutual respect.
We’re all souls sharing this universe, after all.
Being Happy No Matter What
If you could make yourself healed, you may have no problem attracting others. But at this point, you won’t care. You’ll be happy just to exist and live your life, so you won’t be hunting.
Searching is desperate. Fishing is the act of lacking. You seek abundance, but that can never come from anywhere except within yourself. To focus your energy on things outside you — possessions, relationships, situations — is the act of a very unhealed person. You must look inside yourself to see all that you already have. Stay in gratitude.
You’re alive. You have talent. You are smart. You know how to heal.
Your qualities are amazing, so celebrate that. Having a partner in a relationship is never going to take those things away, nor will it create them. I’ll admit, a really great relationship — we’re talking soul mate level — can enhance the pursuit of your life mission. But their love for you can’t make you more valuable to the world. You’re worthy. You have spiritual maturity.
Deflecting the Onslaught of Unhealed Admirers
When you heal, of course, you’ll likely attract the attention of those in desperate need of healing. This is a test from the universe to see what you’ve learned. How well have you healed? How much abuse can you take now?
Unhealed people will treat you like you’re an object. They won’t see the value in love. They just want to drink and party. They just want to seek the experiences that distract them from themselves so they never have to focus on healing. They’ll tell you that life is about adventure and travel, and they go skydiving on weekends or fill their schedules with workout classes. They never brag about slowing down and reading a book. They won’t encourage you to lie down and think about life for a day. They won’t understand this.
When you tell them about your healing journey, they simply can’t comprehend it. They won’t even be curious about it. And, of course, they’ll try to tell you how to heal and how to live your life without a basic understanding of what it means. This is what we face over and over while searching for spiritual maturity in dating.
They may have shallow conversations. They may play mind games with you. They may ghost you.
I used to travel the world. I used to be this way. I know it’s a distraction. Unless you’re going on silent meditative retreats to someplace like Bali, you’re just running from yourself. Now, when I meet someone like this, I just walk away. I’ve known the greatest love of the universe, and I also know that life can end at any moment, so why should I use up my precious time with people who aren’t able to see themselves and their own problems?
You healed, so you know what to do when someone like this enters your life next time. Just walk away.
Hi, I’m Emily. I write about consciousness, philosophy, and deep considerations of existence. I have a master’s in philosophy, I am a certified meditation coach, I read tarot, and I coach others spiritually. Check out the services that I offer. You can by my book, Twin Flames and the Love Story Within on Amazon.
The divine in me recognizes the divine in you.
