If you’re avoiding certain situations in life then setting boundaries can help
Sometimes when we’re healing, we like to tell ourselves that we need to set up protection against toxic energy. We think we need to block out all energy that isn’t serving us. But what I’ve found is that true compassion and universal love entail that we don’t block anything. Self-protection can be useful during a period of healing, but in the long term, it can put you into a negative cycle where you are avoiding a certain part of your reality.
Blocking toxic energy will cause you to develop a fear-based habit of avoidance.
When we are in a place of love, this is secure. We don’t need to put up barriers to block anything out. Total compassion means we have unconditional love for people, no matter what kind of energy they bring to us.
When we protect ourselves it means we anticipate a threat. It is fear-based to act out of avoidance. This behavior is coming from a negative place, even if it’s in the name of self-love. Fear is a response to a threat, and it can drive us to make decisions like putting up some kind of wall around us.
However, acting from compassion doesn’t mean that you have no boundaries.
The Difference Between Self-Protection and Setting Boundaries
Boundaries allow us to determine our responses when others are bringing that toxic energy. We aren’t protecting ourselves against it, because in a place of total love, no protection is needed. However, we can still offer guidance to others about actions and their consequences. It can be very loving to set boundaries.
After all, the universe is all about cause and effect.
If someone is making comments about your beliefs that are negative, you can lovingly remind them of your boundaries. If they’re overstepping these boundaries, you can lovingly remind them. It’s still their choice whether they will continue to act this way. The boundaries are about your intentions, not about their actions.
An Example: Personal Trainers
I’ve attended many fitness classes in my life. I used to be obsessed with bootcamp-style group classes where all kinds of crazy exercises are done in succession. The instructor is usually a trainer who knows that they’re getting paid to push you beyond your limits. However, I’ve developed injuries in my late thirties from trying to keep up with all the twenty-somethings. I pushed myself too hard, and no one was there to tell me “Hey, you need to slow down.” I liked being told to go hard.
I’ve entered a phase in life where I sit in self-love and self-assurance about fitness. I know my body. I can still appreciate trainers, but I will lovingly communicate to them that I don’t think certain exercises are appropriate. I’ll tell them that in the past, this has led me to develop an injury. I have done so recently.
It’s up to them whether they’ll listen to me. I tried. That’s all that matters.
I clearly and calmly communicate that I have developed injuries from certain exercises, and I will respectfully decline that particular part of the class. Sometimes the trainer will hear this and protest. They’ll try to push me anyway. If I smile and say no, they will attempt to shame me. These actions on their part are not my problem. That’s their chosen response to my boundaries.
I just move on without anger.
And let me tell you, it feels so good to be able to communicate confidently what I had been bottling up for years. I used to allow the anger to build up in me as I became a pushover and a people-pleaser, and forced myself not to follow my heart. I was scared of the ensuing reactions to setting my boundaries, so I wouldn’t bother. Somehow, letting the emotions accumulate inside me was easier than conscious communication.
Don’t let this happen to you.
In Conclusion: Boundaries Can Be Loving
Boundaries aren’t the same as self-protection. If you’re telling yourself that you need to avoid certain situations or people because they might hurt you, perhaps you should re-assess what’s going on. You are allowing another person to have power over your life. Your inner world is dictated by whether this “negative energy” can get to you. Instead, you should be focusing on setting loving boundaries. Don’t worry about what the other person does, just focus on your intentions.
With boundaries, you can stop living in fear. You can walk into any situation knowing that you’re fine within. You’ll be fine. Why? Because you’re ready to communicate your boundaries without fear, and the other person’s negative reactions to your boundaries have no bearing on how you’re feeling. You’ve done your part, now allow others to do theirs, whatever that entails.
