If everyone wants to be chased, it just doesn’t work.
One of my clients said to me recently that he also wants to be chased. The woman he was pursuing for a long time seemed to be giving him hot and cold signals. I totally understand his sentiment — because doesn’t everyone deserve to feel valued, wanted, and chased?
Yet, as women in the dating world (especially as we get older), we are taught that there are certain steps one must take in order to keep the man’s interest. One of them is letting them chase you. In the spiritual community, it’s often thought that men will only feel good when they’re hunting — tapping into their divine masculine energy.
My client told me that he thinks he needs to make this woman miss him a little. But this is exactly what women are told to do in order to succeed in dating. This presents quite a conundrum. I imagined them both sitting by their phones, waiting for the other one to make a move. I couldn’t help but wonder, what happens when everyone wants to be chased?
Personally, I think everyone gets in their heads too much about dating. If it’s a natural connection, then tactics aren’t a good idea. If it has the potential to be a long-term relationship, then there should be no forcing things or cat-and-mouse games. Games only lead to misery. Constantly second-guessing what your next move should be is a way to sabotage yourself from the inside. (I am speaking from my own experience.)
On the other hand, it does feel shitty to always be the one to text first in the morning. It doesn’t feel good if you are always chasing. I always thought that it was the men who should be doing most of the heavy lifting when it comes to pursuance. But I can completely understand the frustration from a man’s perspective. They have feelings, too. They want to be wanted, too.
In fact, this client is not the only one who has expressed this same idea to me over the past few months. There are a handful of men who come to me for psychic readings with similar stories. The women they’re interested in — whether it be an ex that they are hoping to reconnect with or someone they’ve never been able to get close to — just seem cold and uninterested because they aren’t starting conversations. At the same time, they send confusing signals that are clear nonverbal messages of interest. As a woman, it infuriates me!
I am as flabbergasted as these guys are, if not more so. Hearing these stories really helped me to understand how hard dating is from a man’s perspective. It’s tiring for them. And they begin to lose hope. Why wouldn’t they?
So, I am speaking here on behalf of my male clients. I want them to be happy. I’m hoping that women out there can have a little more compassion and empathy. Dating shouldn’t be about rules or games — there are roles, for sure, but the lines between these roles can be blurred. But if you like someone, you should tell them.
It should be a balanced relationship where both parties show interest in each other and take turns chasing.
Maybe our ideas about men and women in romance need to shift now. Let go of all the things you thought were true. If you want to see a man you like, don’t wait for them to come to you every time. Show them that you like them. Everything doesn’t have to be about mystery. Be more transparent. Create a sense of balance — the foundation on which all healthy relationships should be built.
And, of course, if you have no interest in a relationship with a man, then please stop sending them mixed messages. It’s hurtful.
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