We are all one. Separation from the source of consciousness has gone so far that we humans have lost touch with the feeling of oneness and love, but it’s coming back. More and more people are meeting their twin flames. More and more people are awakening to the possibility of love. My twin flame died, and it heightened my awareness of all of these truths.
I’ve written about my twin flame journey before. I had some wild times both with him in the flesh and in separation from him while healing my karmic trauma intensely. He was truly a mirror of me. Being in his presence was like nothing I’d ever known. It was the experience of sitting next to the one person who completely got me and shared my passions. Speaking with him was like speaking to myself, always hearing my own soul’s expressions from his voice. The first time we talked, it was as if we’d just been talking a little while ago and picked up the conversation again. Looking into his eyes was an exercise in looking into the universe of my own soul. He pushed me to become a better person. I felt like the universe finally made sense.
Meeting him totally changed the trajectory of my life. I always knew, from the beginning, that there was a great purpose in this event and that it was destiny. Everything about it was somehow pre-planned before we were ever here to experience it. I knew this in my soul. Spiritually, it was everything.
I’m happy to tell you that miracles do happen, and love is possible.
We were deliriously happy. Madly in love. Amazed at the miracle of life. Shaken by the idea that life could actually make sense and be beautiful, after all the confusion we’d endured as humans. Enthralled by the fact that we’d found each other in this wide world, that we were so comfortable with each other, and that many past lives were now apparent. It was like the greatest love story you could ever imagine.
And then, a few months ago, my twin flame died suddenly and tragically. It already feels like an eternity has passed since then.
The best love stories end in tragedy, right? As he would say, “Jesus…”
He transcended this existence, left his physical body behind, and left me all alone on the Earth plane wondering, “what the fuck, universe?”
In fact, I was really pissed off. We finally found perfect happiness together and the future was really bright, and after just a short time together, we were ripped from each other’s arms. I started doubting everything I knew. Is happiness even possible?
But I’ll tell you what: there is some kind of horrible lesson in all of this. Despite my disillusionment with life, I still see that there is great order in the universe. And the universe is made of love. In fact, I see it far more clearly now than I had before. I’ve had some time to process this. And I wanted to express to my readers some of the realizations I’ve come to, in case it helps someone else.
Separation (In Life and in Death) Is An Illusion
Death is not the end. Death is just a transformation. A journey over a threshold. One room to the next. I’ve known this for a long time, but the death of my beautiful twin flame made it very clear. Why? Because he’s still here.
The events that have happened to me surrounding his death are uncanny. Signs of him in spirit form are everywhere. I’ve had many dreams of him giving me messages. For instance, as soon as I found out he had passed, amid my screams, the stereo in my car kept turning on by itself. And there was a building door right in front of my car where we’d parked with his first initial on it, gigantic and in my face. He’d been with us at Disney World the day before, and I hadn’t known it, but there were messages in my head from him, and signs all around me that reminded me of him.
He’s not gone. He’s just not in a body.
I keep thinking “his body was so beautiful,” but I know that the point of all of this is to not be attached to the physical body. My own body or anyone else’s.
He’s just out of sight, but not out of existence. Separation is an illusion now, for we’re only separated by the fact that I am embodied and he currently is not. I know we both will be again. I know I must go on.
In addition, even when he was alive, we were separated. By bodies! In fact, I would argue that we were more separate then than we are now. His ego self, his memories, and his physical self all stood in the way of us being in union, which is the goal of the twin flame journey. Now, much less stands in our way.
I’m learning to communicate.
Anger, Sadness, Grief, and Spiritual Awakenings
Amid all the grief and sadness, when my twin flame died I had an immediate “download” that I have a great purpose in this life, it is related closely to this event, and this was destiny. It made me so angry. Couldn’t the universe figure out how to make him stay alive while realizing my purpose?!
While I was screaming “no!” my brand new life was taking over violently. All of my assumptions about existence were immediately destroyed. I was being spiritually awakened while attempting to process this great loss.
I knew right away that it was only a loss in the physical world. It was only one death in a long — infinite? — series of lives and deaths.
The awareness of the greater reality alongside the grief in my lonely existence was very strange. My daughter kept asking me, “Why do you miss him if he’s still here?” Why? Because it’s just nice to be in the same realm of existence as your soul mate, that’s why. I miss him terribly.
I am so alone. I am so unhappy. Yet, I see that there is a greater plan for us all, and I am still here because there is something here that I still need to do. I am telling you this because this is also true of you.
Soul Contracts and Episodes of Incarnation
As one of my friends said to me, “you both knew this was coming at a soul level.” I began to wonder if our time of death is predestined. I started thinking about this thing called “soul contracts.”
It seems too crazy that we had just found each other, fallen into perfect love, living the dream, and after just a matter of months of true love — he was gone. How does this happen?
I think we do agree on these things before we come here. We decide what will help our souls grow the most. We plan out our destinations. The moment of our death is not flexible. It’s the only thing that makes sense in all of this. The universe is not cruel, I know this. So the only thing that can make sense is that it’s all part of some greater plan for spiritual development.
The point of life isn’t to be happy. It’s to elevate our existence for the collective of souls.
It still makes me mad. Obviously, I have no recollection on a conscious level of my soul contracts. That would ruin everything. So, I am mad at myself. Did we sit in the screenwriting office of the universe together scripting our lives, and did we think this was a good idea?
It was like we were sitting there talking about the next life and said, “Hey wouldn’t it be hilarious if this time, we took forty years to finally find each other, and then suddenly, one of us dies?” And then we agreed to this.
I’m very upset. I take issue with it now. And I have questions. I mean, first of all, why am I the one who has to go on living?
But we must trust. There is certainly an answer for everything. We may never know that answer.
Doubts Are Normal but Nothing Is An Accident
Even after everything, doubts about the reality of twin flames still haunt me. I can’t help it. Sometimes I wonder if twin flames are just made up.
But no, after all that’s happened, the world wouldn’t make sense if there wasn’t some deep spiritual connection there. Really crazy things have happened to me. I don’t know what a twin flame really is, but I do know that this person was deeply connected with me and we shared a mission in life. We shared a ton of interests and life events as well. He was my mirror. Looking in his eyes was like looking at my own soul and interacting with him was like speaking to someone who knew my core.
However, I just wanted to say that if you have doubts about twin flames, you’re not alone. Because twin flames are hard, and wouldn’t it be nice if the people you met in your life were just a little more random? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could doubt whether this person is meaningful to you so you could walk away from it all and forget it? Unfortunately, that’s not how life works.
The people you meet are all supposed to be there, you’re shaped by them, and if you’re lucky enough to meet your crazy twin flame, there’s a deep spiritual purpose in it that will knock you off your feet. Meeting them is the most important relationship in your life in terms of your soul growth. There’s no way that’s an accident.
There are no accidents in the universe.
I Keep Asking Why? But Some Things Are Clear
His life taught me kindness, for he had no enemies. He was kind to everyone who came across his path. He taught me that there is enough love in the world to keep flowing out of the heart no matter what.
His death taught me that love is all that matters. His friends and family loved him infinitely, his funeral procession was enormous. All of us asking the universe, “Why take someone so young and so good from us?”
How does someone so perfect and so young die so suddenly?
I don’t have the answers, but I have looked at myself. I am still alive. His friends are still alive. Why? There must be a reason. Life on planet Earth is important. We came here for some reason. It isn’t to sit around watching TV, hang out at bars, or work at jobs that don’t fulfill us.
We all have a soul purpose, and we must use every moment in our lives to achieve that purpose.
My own purpose became stupidly clear as soon as he was gone. I am supposed to use my remaining time on Earth to help as many people as I can. I could see my path forward clearly in that. I hated that realization. I didn’t care. It looked like a lonely path. I couldn’t imagine leading this life without him. I just wanted him back. Who cares about anything else when such sorrow is present?
But unfortunately, life isn’t supposed to be fair. And it’s not supposed to even be happy. It’s all about soul growth. The things happening to you — happy or tragic — all happen for a reason.
I’m One of the Lucky Ones
If time isn’t real and separation is an illusion anyway, then it doesn’t matter if I’d known him in this life for one day or fifty years. The temporal dimension of the relationship doesn’t determine the depth of the connection. So, I am lucky to have known him even for a day.
Not only that, but I am lucky to have known love. I am lucky to have met someone whose eyes show me my own soul. I am lucky to have found a connection with another human being so profound that it rocks my world and wakes me up to a new level of consciousness. Most people don’t ever have this experience — although more and more people seem to be having it lately.
I am lucky to have known him at all. An event so profound does not need a lot of time. As much as my heart wishes that I’d have spent years alongside him, I know that the things that have occurred are very impactful for my soul, and I am grateful.
He was here just long enough to boost me into the next awakening. In addition, grief and sadness are part of my path and I cannot escape them.
I am lucky to have met my twin flame. I am lucky to have known true love. I am also lucky to be able to write this for you and let you know that miracles do happen, and love is possible.
How Does Life Go On?
Nothing beautiful is easy. I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom in my whole journey and it’s time to start again, and I believe that’s exactly where I am meant to be. Some days are tough. I am still grieving, and I see no end to it.
My life’s purpose came starkly into focus when this happened, so I’ve known that I need to eventually write this, and write a lot more to help other souls. I see a path. Some days I don’t like it much, but I see it.
I spent the past year joyfully trying to find my purpose in life. I just wanted to understand reality. Because of this tragic event, I now understand my purpose and reality, and I find no joy.
It’s hard to be excited about living life in a beautiful universe when you don’t even feel like getting out of bed because your emotions are crushing you.
Life apparently goes on. You shouldn’t get in the way of its flow. Its current is taking you where you need to be.
I’d like to say one last thing: Tell everyone in your life that you love them right now. Don’t assume you have time. My twin flame said to me weeks before his death, “You know we have like a million days together, right?” and I trusted that.
But we don’t know when it’s our time to go. So take nothing for granted. Just spread love.
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About Me
Hi, I’m Emily! I am also on the twin flame journey, as the experience of losing my twin flame awakened my psychic abilities and sent me on this path to help others.
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I’m sorry to hear about your loss I’m suffering the same thing my fiance/twin flame died unexpectedly at 38yo on January 6th of this year. I came home from work and found her. Since then it has awakened me spiritually but I too live with extreme grief everyday. I didn’t know what a twin flame was until I visited a very gifted channeler and she 100% channeled Annie for me. One of the first things she said was that we are twin flames and she could see and feel the silver cord connecting us. Annie described the soul contract we had made before incarnating here. Hard to believe I signed up for this kind of pain but apparently we’ve lived many lives together and I did the same for her to advance her spiritual growth. Annie tells me she’s with me all the time and I believe it due to obvious signs I receive from her. She also told me she’s sending me a new love because she hates seeing me alone. Never thought I’d hear that from her! We were together for 15 years and she was the jealous type lol. Anyway I wish you well on your spiritual journey it will be difficult as I know first hand.
Thank you so much for this reply, John. It’s interesting that you say you’ve been told that another love is coming because the same was said to me by a psychic. And I truly believe it. Actually, nowadays I am not sure that we only have one “twin flame” because as long as our minds can imagine a more expansive love, then it can be real. Would you agree?