I rose from the murky depths toward the light on my own.
I didn’t use medications. I had no one in my social circles to comfort me. I didn’t even have a therapist. So, how did I survive the dark night of the soul? How did I manage to walk this path of grief and depression alone? Few would believe it, and fewer still are ready to hear my answer. But I had a method. It relied on sheer willpower.
The truth is, nothing outside you can save you. Any “cure” you find outside yourself may provide temporary relief, but without a peek into the self to locate the source, there is no hope of a better future. The grief and pain will always return. So, substances and prescriptions offer no solace. Talking to people (even therapists) about the suffering is ineffectual unless the person you’re talking to is getting you to deeply self-reflect.
First, I needed to gain a higher perspective of my life here on Earth. I recognized there’s a reason I am still here, even if I didn’t know what that was yet. As I finally owned my existence and decided I wanted to make the most of my time on this planet, I made a plan. I needed to dedicate myself to getting better. Changes began to happen.
Choosing a Transformation
One day, I woke up and decided I was tired of grieving. I didn’t want to suffer any longer. I couldn’t picture myself living out the rest of my life in sadness. With this realization, I chose to find happiness again.
Setting the intention is one of the most important steps of any journey. When you have made a choice, you change your vibration and you send a signal into the universe. You’re ready. You want this. It starts to become possible at that moment because you’ve chosen it.
As you make this choice, you are a lotus seed that has decided to grow through the mud toward the light. 🪷
Some people don’t want to make this choice. It seems strange, doesn’t it? Many people attach themselves to their grief as if it defines them. They are afraid to lose the pain.
Somehow, it’s a comfort because it reminds them that they once loved and once felt joy. They don’t want to lose their identity. They don’t want change. If they let go of the past, even the painful past, they are afraid that they’d lose themselves. So, they unconsciously choose depression over happiness, and they commit themselves to grieving forever.
I didn’t want to be like them. I chose the light, even though that choice was often very difficult.
Courage Alchemizes
Making the choice is the difficult first step, but without the courage to follow through, I would have just relapsed every time I tried. I was a lotus flower desperately seeking the surface, where I could get clarity and a reprieve from the darkness.
Courage is quite a force — it can turn metal into gold. It’s the main ingredient of inner alchemy.
If you don’t have the courage to choose gratitude instead of sadness in a triggering moment, then your ideas about a happy future are only wishful thinking. No healing ritual or wellness routine can save you from your inner world. The transformation won’t just happen to you. You must be the force of change.
When the grief comes up to take me over like a giant wave crashing down on the sand, I choose to persevere and stand strong. I alchemize my emotions by moving myself into a place of calm instead of a place of chaos. I push myself forcefully toward joy instead of hopelessness. I throw myself at a thought that is expansive instead of one that is destructive.
This process of inner alchemy takes persistence, practice, and dedication.
This is no small thing. It is not for the faint of heart. To make a choice to be happy, against all odds, is an act of bravery and inner fortitude. There will be voices within you persuading you to give in to the dark thoughts. People around you will validate your negativity and encourage you to hang onto it. So, you are alone on this journey, making light for yourself when there seems to be only darkness everywhere else.
The Infinite Power of the Mind
Your inner world is under your control. It may not seem that way to someone who feels they are at the mercy of volatile emotions. They are victims of their own minds. But this is not how life needs to be. Our purpose in human incarnation is to liberate ourselves from our own minds to find a higher consciousness.
We are intelligent creatures that can choose our mental states. Our minds can solve great problems in the material world, but few choose to utilize the powers of the mind to solve inner problems. We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t easily save ourselves from our inner darkness. So many of us suffer from stress, anxiety, and sadness, but society doesn’t give us the tools to overcome this.
Imagine if everyone chose to respond consciously to problems rather than being triggered and blaming the world around them. What a harmonious world this could be! We have the ability to self-reflect and decide what our thoughts and feelings will be in response to situations. We don’t have to be at the mercy of circumstance.
Unfortunately, so many of us are slaves to our own minds. We blame the world for our woes. We often feel validated in anger, sadness, stress, and hate because something outside of us has made us miserable.
Many of us willingly latch onto the very thoughts that cause us inner chaos. But we have the ability to choose something else.
What is the point of life if we are just going to mindlessly allow our own suffering? Are we here on Earth to be victims? Do we have no choices? Many things that happen around us are out of our immediate control (or so it seems), but what’s within your control constantly is your inner world.
The inner world of thought and feeling is vast. It is an infinite realm of possibilities. Most of us waste the chance to harness its power.
Why would you give up the potential to find happiness, bliss, and joy all the time? Why give away your power to the people and situations outside yourself? Right now, take control back. Choose the light as I did. Have the courage to pursue it by taking responsibility for your inner world.
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The Dark Night of the Soul is one of the most challenging times in a spiritual journey. Learn how to survive it and use it for the greater good.
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