A few years ago, I remember feeling like I didn’t know what reality was anymore. Matter became imaginary. Truth was fluid. My identity wasn’t real. I began losing my mind.
There were few people I could tell about it because I might be sent to the psych ward. I used to call my friend Chris and say, “It’s happening again, I am totally losing it!” We’d both laugh because it was funny. Having a spiritual awakening can be fun if you choose to have a sense of humor about it. When everything you’ve ever known comes into question, what’s there not to laugh about?
Have you ever felt like you’re dreaming during waking life? Do you sometimes sense the cracks in reality? Do you know what it feels like to lose yourself in the void? I do. I am going to tell you all about it. I know a lot of you reading this know what I’m talking about.
The important part of this experience is that you must totally lose your mind in order to gain a new one — a mind that is at a higher vibrational level.
My spiritual awakening a few years ago was just one of several — and trust me, it’s still happening. They come in waves. They are triggered by various events in my life. The higher my consciousness rises, the more there is to let go of and more of my mind to lose. I learn often that I know nothing.
During the time in 2021 that I am referring to, it was insane. I was grasping tightly to the reality I’d known till then, and to let go of that meant I had to go on a very scary journey of uncertainty. I had to admit that I was wrong about everything. There would be nothing left to base my life on. I was hesitant to step into the void.
The good news is that I’m still here and I made it through! But at the time, I had no idea what was happening to me.
Physical reality seemed to be crumbling around me and revealing that the life I was living was all an illusion — little by little, it was becoming painfully clear that nothing is an accident and I was being “watched” by higher beings of some kind. They were sending me signs and messages constantly. I was also realizing my psychic abilities.
It was like a door in my mind had opened up to the universe. And it was gaping wide open. So much was coming in all at once!
Wherever I went, there were fire trucks or alarms going off. The numbers 1111 and 222 were everywhere. Patterns began to emerge like nothing I’d ever seen before. I saw a UFO one night. Animals were behaving strangely. I was having emotional breakdowns in private. I was just trying to live a “normal” life and I was unable to do so because reality was starting to change.
This stable, seemingly solid matter that I rely on for my life’s consistency was showing itself to be unreal, and I had to admit to myself that life is basically a dream. Everything is fluid, conscious, and develops according to the choices I make. We all live inside a great mind. I couldn’t tell anyone about it because I would sound insane.
I also clearly understood that I am a soul having a human experience. I am playing nothing but a role here. Like an actor in a play. And why would this make me feel insane? Because I had been so entangled with the plot and my role in this play that it was controlling my happiness! When I finally could break free and take a step back, I saw that nothing I was worried about mattered at all. And trust me, this is when I really broke down because I finally saw the irony of the universe. There is great order to everything and it’s all part of a storyline that needs to unfold with time.
I couldn’t stop laughing. But I didn’t feel insane. I felt like I was saner than ever before, and everyone else was crazy. I saw how attached I’d been to worries and stresses in life until then, and how silly I’d been. The fog was lifting and I had never had more clarity.
I still had a problem: I didn’t know who I was anymore. I had to figure that out anew. I had to invent a new identity.
Reality was just turning into something new, and I had to adjust to it. Things were revealing themselves to be very different than I had thought. I was confronted with the thought that behind the facade, the life I live is pure magic. We are all so lucky to be here.
Life has a creator. We’re inside of a great mind. I’d done some inner work, and that was manageable. But when the outer world began to show patterns and give me experiences that seemed too coincidental to be real, I had no choice but to question everything I’d known about physical reality.
Now that time has passed, I see that this was a crucial moment in my personal evolution. All of us need to awaken to the importance of the lives we live. Nothing here is mundane. Take it all seriously. Every moment, you have an opportunity to do truly great things. Don’t allow yourself to believe that you are insignificant.
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