Months ago, after I had led a guided meditation focused on gratitude, one of my elderly students said to me, “I’m just grateful to be alive. I had surgery last year and when I came home, I remember waking up in the morning and thinking, I am glad to be here. I wasn’t so sure whether I was before.” That hit me. I probably wasn’t as grateful for the very basic fact that I am alive as I should have been.
I’ve been through a rough and weird couple of years, but these days I feel that I finally know my purpose in life. Day by day, little by little, I am embodying and living that purpose. I see a light growing at the end of the tunnel. Things make sense in the universe. But I still have dark days. We all do. It’s part of being human.
And in those times of grief and hopelessness, sometimes we lose enough faith to say out loud that we wish we weren’t alive. I think it’s part of being human to explore the question of existence. If you haven’t gotten deeply existential at least once in your life, you don’t fully understand the power of the comeback.
We must doubt why we’re alive from time to time to fully analyze how weird it is to be on planet Earth. It helps us to recognize the good aspects of human life when they show themselves again. Some of us doubt whether we want to be alive as part of a very important journey of the soul as it endures a dark night.
It can be a valid part of the human journey to forget the gratitude for life. It teaches us to notice the beautiful things more when they start to come back around.
The point of the dark night of the soul is to show, through this experience, that life is full of meaning after all. Never lose faith that the light will come back. It always does.
Recently, I had a sprained ankle. I could still walk; it just hurt somewhat. As I was doing yoga to heal and stretch it after weeks of slight pain, I pulled a muscle in my lower back. That hurt way worse than the ankle did! I realized how much I hadn’t been thankful for my health. My ankle is all better now, but a worse health problem has descended upon my life. It’s almost funny how ironic it is.
As I sit here and write this, my back aches and I am in slight agony even while remaining still. I can’t go hiking or visit places I love. I can’t clean the house because that requires bending over. I can’t make plans with my daughter for the weekend. I have to stay home and rest. I can’t help but think man, what I wouldn’t give to just have a sore ankle!
The universe is constantly sending us lessons. I know it’s challenging. It’s hard. But we have to integrate and learn the lessons or they’ll keep coming back. Sometimes, the lessons are for you to learn gratitude.
I knew as soon as my back was hurt that this was no accident. There are no accidents in the universe. I am meant to learn gratitude for when I am better again. I can’t keep taking my health for granted.
I complain about so many things, but I haven’t often stopped to be grateful for my health, which is such a basic thing we all require.
How can I complain about my relationships, work, or my living situation when I am so blessed to just have my health? The universe teaches me to understand how quickly everything can fall apart, so when I have my health, I should be loving life no matter what else is happening.
If you are also facing health problems, the message is no different. A healing journey is a huge soul lesson and it forces you to stop everything you’re doing to reflect.
Sometimes I still wallow in self-pity. As I grow spiritually, I stop myself from the pity party pretty quickly. The way I have been doing this is through gratitude.
For instance, I sometimes feel lonely. I live in a large metropolitan area and yet I am isolated. Few people around here truly understand me, so deep connections are hard to come by. I don’t have many good close friends nearby and sometimes I feel like my family doesn’t really see me. I have nobody at the end of the day who asks me if I am okay. And yet, most of my energy is dedicated to supporting my daughter as she grows into a young woman. It is a load that is heavy, and I have no choice but to bear it constantly. So, I almost cry sometimes under the pressure.
I started to follow this train of thought into a spiral of sadness today. But I stopped myself. I am still able to drive. I am able to cook myself a healthy and delicious meal. I have a sore back, but I can still walk. I have a wonderful family who supports me and a beautiful child who I adore. I am alive. I didn’t die in a car crash. It’s wild.
I am just grateful to be alive. I can’t help but remember my elderly student who expressed the same sentiments. It’s important to recognize the basic fact that life is a miracle.
