I went through hell a few years ago. I’ve come a long way since then. My memories of the trauma are no longer what scare me. What really freaks me out is the memory of my own darkness.
Nowadays, I can handle the absurdity of life’s tragedies in the “outside” world, but I can’t handle the threat of going back to that dark place within me. I know how easily it can swallow me up. It often feels like I don’t have control over it. But, of course, I must if it’s part of me. I have thought deeply about how to avoid depression through sheer willpower.
Once in a while, the darkness pokes at me. You see, I generally have good days now. The light is shining again, illuminating me with the grace of divine love. I am happy to be here. Oh, but how easily this can all be replaced by the darkness! Dark thoughts creep up and jump out at me from the shadows. It seems like all the light in the world could be lost in the blink of an eye if I’m not careful. I must resist with all my willpower so that I can stay joyful.
Depression, for me, is horrifying. The despair, hopelessness, and loss of meaning is something I never want to feel again. Perhaps it is scarier than death, physical loss, and pain. My inner world’s possibilities are more terrifying than the events that could happen in the world around me. I hope you never have to understand what I mean by this.
The dark night of the soul will decimate your inner world and leave no survivors. One should never have to endure it more than once in a lifetime. Once is enough.
So, this will often happen: I’ll be having a great day, minding my business and feeling expansive about life’s promise…and out of nowhere, a threat of that dark night of the soul will emerge. I see a door slide open in my periphery. A reminder appears: “While everything can seem lovely in this world, there is a whole lot to be depressed about. There is nothing here to be happy about. Everything can be destroyed in an instant.” A jolt of fear overcomes me in that moment. A feeling of dread will take hold of me without warning. I will begin to spiral.
I remember how easily I plunged into complete darkness last time I experienced a loss. I preemptively see myself falling off the precipice and beginning the long, unavoidable descent into an ocean of nothingness, where I may very well drown. I don’t know what could happen to me if I ever go back there. But, in its beautiful sadness, it is alluring. Somehow, it calls to me.
I get scared that the life I’ve built (after the last tragedy) will be completely lost as I surrender to the darkness again. I know how it works. I fell in before, and it was a long road back to the light. I simply cannot go back there. It kills me just to imagine it happening again.
The door must be closed. I must resist. It takes courage to do so. It is a choice. Whereas falling into darkness again feels so easy, choosing to stay in the light is a feat of strength. Isn’t that wild?
Nobody wants to live in a maddening world void of hope. Yet, allowing ourselves to slide through the crack into the abyss of sadness is somehow very easy. If you do nothing, you will end up there. It consumes you when you don’t resist it. So, the trick is to resist.
I can probably navigate my way back to the light again if I ever find myself in the dark forest of meaninglessness once more. But I don’t want to have to do that. So, what I do is I push myself into a positive thought. I remind myself that life is beautiful, and the darkness is just one angle of perception. I can courageously choose to be happy. It takes willpower, but it is always an option.
So, this is what you must remember: we all have the option to give in to darkness or choose light. Sometimes, life seems to be treating you very well, but at other times, it’s terrifying. But you must choose to see it as light and beautiful even when the darkness is calling. You can’t allow life’s events to dictate your inner world. Take control and steer yourself to happy thoughts. It’s your responsibility to do so. I did it, and so can you!
Book a Session
I offer psychic readings, spiritual coaching, twin flame guidance, and meditation instruction to help you understand your life’s journey.
Buy My Books
My latest book is about meditation and I’ve written three others about twin flames and spiritual humor. All are available in paperback and Kindle formats.
About Emily
I’m a spiritual coach, meditation instructor, psychic, and twin flame expert. I also love occult books and I nerd out on ancient mysteries.
