I survived by defining my purpose and re-inventing myself.
Three years ago, I lost the love of my life. It seems that so much time has gone by since I lost him, and yet I know I’m only at the beginning of a long grief journey. But the first year was the worst, of course, and the second was pretty hard, too. This past year, I have felt more stable as I embody my purpose more and more.
I made it to this moment, and sometimes I honestly wasn’t sure I would make it this far. Dark humor was a big part of my survival in the early days. I still make jokes about death that seem to add some light to an otherwise bleak situation. More importantly, I survived by figuring out what to do with my life.
As the third anniversary arrives, I reflect on how far I’ve come — I’ve found a purpose in my life that stands alone in itself, independent of relationships and future expectations.
I am sure that some of you reading this can understand that it felt like the day he died was the day I was born. I felt like I hadn’t really been living until that moment because I thought that my happiness and identity were based on things outside me, such as a relationship or a bright future. The ideas about who I was and the reason I was living had to die. I had to give birth to new ones all by myself. It was an awakening. It felt like a slap in the face from the universe.
I have since found that my existence does not depend on anything but me. The truth is that I am the master of my own destiny. My happiness is not dependent on all the things I thought were going to happen. It is defined by the things I do, say, and think. People and situations in my world come and go. Everything is temporary. As long as I am alive, I am in control of the things I can control, and I must release the rest. I had to shift my attitude from victimhood in grief to a “can-do” attitude about the course of the rest of my life.
I had to rebuild everything from scratch. I had to reinvent a reason to live. The strength it took to make it this far is incredible. But here I am. If I can do it, I know you can, too.
Sometimes I’m still very lonely. I entered 2025 still single, even though I have unlocked my heart, and I have so much love to give. Sometimes I still feel that it was a cruel joke from the universe. But those dark thoughts are temporary, and they pass through me quickly now. Mostly, I’m just grateful to be alive and to have the opportunity to change some lives while I’m here, for being of service is all that really matters in the end.
No matter who you are and what’s happened to you, remember that there is always hope.
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