It took the death of my boyfriend for me to finally speak directly with the spirit world. I’m sure they had been trying to get through to me for a while, but when that happened, the floodgates opened. I was devastated, heartbroken, depressed, and suicidal, so at the time the voices and messages started coming in, I didn’t really care. All I knew was that death isn’t the end at all — in fact, he seemed to be in a pretty great spot on the other side— so I didn’t care if I lived or died. Death didn’t scare me anymore.
One of the earliest of the spirit world messages that came in was actually designed to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to think that way. I couldn’t hope to die soon. I had to keep going. I had much to do and so little time. Life is never as long as we think it’s going to be, even if you live to be 100 years old.
Looking back now, it is almost comical how the most miraculous things were happening to me, but I was too depressed to care. I certainly knew what was happening and understood the significance, but I was too far into a black hole for it to help me in that state. I had to heal before it became clear that a portal had opened.
When he died, it was a total shock. Leading up to finding out about it, strange things began to happen in my world. Significant “coincidences” appeared everywhere. And I felt spirits around me with a more heightened sense of awareness than ever before.
As time passed and the grieving process began, I remember hearing his voice clearly many times in my mind. He was telling me that everything is happening for a reason and that life goes by in the blink of an eye. More than that, he told me he was with some of my deceased relatives. He named them. Soon after that, I could see them and feel them standing around me and other living people. I saw my cousin’s mom standing next to her and it seemed normal to me at the time. I told her she was right there, and she didn’t seem too excited about it — adding to my feeling that this was a totally normal, everyday perception.
I felt his presence so strongly in the house. I was talking to him all the time, like a normal conversation. So many emotions were taking me down, but I was lucid enough to carry on a rational conversation with a dead person. He was right there. So close and yet so far.
The sadness was overwhelming, and maybe that is what made it so easy to channel messages. I had lost all fear. I didn’t care what anyone would think of me if I said I saw dead people and I didn’t listen to any voices outside me or within me telling me that this wasn’t happening. So often, our inner voices are drowned out by the voice of reason or people telling us that what we believe isn’t true and we’re imagining it. But I just didn’t give have a f*#k what anyone thought anymore. I knew what was really happening.
People who I’d known in life weren’t the only ones I saw. There were spirit guides whispering in my ears and taking me on weird adventures frequently. My fears were being revealed — I was being beckoned to the other side to return trips but I was too scared to go. I heard knocks on the front door many times, and voices trying to get my attention. I’ve been working with them ever since.
Since then, the pain and grief have subsided. Strangely, the feeling of clarity with the spirit world messages has, too. I still speak with the other side often, but it’s different. It’s more elusive. It’s buried a little deeper in my intuition. It’s accessed in a different way. Maybe I’m just more used to it, so it feels run-of-the-mill for me now, or maybe it takes a tragic life event to unlock a door in your intuition. Perhaps as time passes, spirits morph and shift into something else, losing their direct channel to their living loved ones from the spirit world. I don’t have the exact answer, but I suspect it’s a combination of all of these.
All I know for sure is that when he died, it was like I was born. A new era of my life abruptly began, and I can never go back to the way I was before.
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